Let me be clear, I am not into Friends With Benefits (FWB) or Fuck Buddy (FB). I’m not even on Tinder, yo! But over the years I have a couple of friends who are in this category of relationship, and I am always intrigued by it.
Am I curious coz I secretly want it too? I can’t say for the distant very far future, coz things can change, but I’m pretty sure for the next few years (try decades) to come, it’s definitely not on my mind. I’m currently in a healthy relationship, and although we discussed Fuck Buddy relationships in general, neither one of us are into it. Never had been either. But we encountered people who do, and yeah, like I said, that got us intrigued. (My GF and I kinda like to over analyse stuff coz it’s cheap entertainment)
Ok, so why am I curious? Well, for one, fuck buddies are practically non-existant during out parents’ generation, and even if there’s fooling around, it always involve paid sex/prostitutes. I’m not saying that they are the most happiest lot though, but they made the relationship and family thing work. So, it’s kinda common for parents to like drill into us sayings like:
“Don’t pay for sex. Find real love lar. Be loyal. Don’t cheat. Sex is bad. Love is good.”
Being young, we allow these “suggestions” to be implanted in us. Now, for most of us, these suggestions don’t bother much, because we usually end up looking for a decent partner, set up a family, and spend the rest of the live having what Russell Peters called “One-gina”, which is pretty ok for the most (try conservative) folks. Need to kinkify the bedroom activities? Role play, bitch.
What got interesting (and the part I’m curious), is when we “break” these suggestions and indulge in Fuck Buddy Relationship (FBR). I always ask the people involved, do they feel the conflict within? Do they feel they were doing something wrong based on the suggestions of the previous generation? Is it a temporary solution to a much deeper problem?
And sometimes I asked why they decided on it. Now, I’m not so interested to share what the guys said, cos to most of them, it’s jackpot! They have all the benefits of a relationship without the hassle of a relationship! Sex, pleasure, satisfaction, minus the commitment, responsibility, clinginess, emotions, meeting the parents. Winning the toto(1), yaw!
For the girls though, often it was because they had gone through a really bad breakup, and they were not ready to date again. And yet, they have sexual desires to fulfill. Don’t get me wrong, there are girls that look at FBRs like how the guys do (no attachment, no emotion), but usually in my survey, there’s usually some traumatic experience that led the girls to consider FBRs.
Of course just like everything else in life, Fuck Buddies have rules too. Rules like Never Fall in Love, or Keep It Simple, or Don’t Intro Them to Your Normal Social Circles. Requires quite a bit of discipline and discretion, hiding and planning, but the rewards are there – great sex with no strings attached. Not even a price tag.
Or is there? Well, I’m not here to judge: people want different things in life. Some may say Fuck Buddies are bad coz internally, the girl is just using the sex to avoid the issue at hand – her longing for a meaningful relationship with someone, and yet can’t stand another heartbreak. It’s like knowing that you have a very bad cough, asthma or lung cancer, and despite knowing that it’s bad, you still smoke or breathe in the haze. I would say as long as she is happy, let her do whatever she wants to do lar. If she’s depressed, also not good, kan? At least now she’s satisfied in one area of her life.
So how? You wanna be someone’s Fuck Buddy?
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